You Don’t Always Have to Be You

I’ve been playing a little game with myself.

I’ve called it, “You don’t have to be you.”

And it means just that.

We get in the habit of believing that we are our personalities. That our response to things is somehow fixed in place.

To some extent, that’s true. Some of us are good at math and strategy, while others are more naturally artistic or visionary. I don’t necessarily mean these sorts of traits when playing this game.

The personality traits you can play with here are more about the way you respond and interact with Life. Perhaps your tendency is to worry about everything, or you get angry/stressed when things don’t go to plan. Maybe you’re naturally introverted and don’t particularly like engaging with the world around you, or you can get defensive, tightly safeguarding your vulnerable self from anything you perceive might hurt you.

These sorts of traits are perfect for this game because they are pliable. Changeable. They can be alchemized through attention and intent.

So here’s how the game works:

1. Catch yourself being you.

Pay attention to a personality trait or story you tell yourself that feels disruptive in some way. Maybe anxiety is a natural response to new information. Perhaps you become defensive when you feel vulnerable, shut down when things feel uncomfortable, or automatically assume you've done something wrong. When you notice it happening, simply catch it.

2. Remember: you don’t have to be you.

This is the most important part of the game. You may have a tendency toward worry, but you are not a worrier. You may have learned to be defensive, but that doesn't mean you have to defend yourself every time you feel vulnerable. Play with the possibility that your habitual way of responding is simply a pattern you've practiced—not a fixed definition of who you are.

3. Choose something different and see what happens.

Now comes the fun part. Instead of following the familiar response, experiment with another one. Try on a ‘go with the flow’ attitude instead of worry and stress. Send a loving message without expectation because you want to see what it feels like to be open and connect. Or see what it feels like to be an optimist instead of realist, or visa versa. You don't have to become this new version of yourself. You're just playing with another possibility.

4. Pay attention to what you discover.

Notice what happens when you respond differently. How does it feel? What changes? What becomes possible that wasn't before when you automatically followed the old pattern?

And then do it again.

The more you experiment, the more you discover that the self you thought was fixed in place may be much more fluid than you imagined.

The intention of this game is to loosen the grip of the known self because you don’t have to be you- unless you agree.

You can work with awareness to change your relationship with your conditioning, to become a friend and ally to your own mind, and to begin shifting your thoughts and responses in search of an internal operating system rooted in happiness, honesty, peace and personal freedom.

So give it a try.

Play with it.

See what happens when you stop assuming that the way you’ve always been is the way you have to be.

Remember, you don’t always have to be you!

❤️ Alix